I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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