If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
