When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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