just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
