I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This is the high leading the old right now
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
