Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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