I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize