This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
