He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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