How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
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