Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
