I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We have so much sex to catch up on
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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