In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
