Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
