My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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