Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
