Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
