good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
