she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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