jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
