Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize