I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Drunk is a universal language darling
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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