For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
