You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
