At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
