I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
