ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
