Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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