So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
