Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
wow bdsm is so cute
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
