Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
