so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
