I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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