so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
