I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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