so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
