it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize