It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Houston, we have a blender
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
