Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
