So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
