We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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