Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
