It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
