booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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