She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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