Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
