I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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