and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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