Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
