I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
