Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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