So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
