Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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