Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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