I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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