I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
