Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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