just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
and she was petting her beer can
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
