We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
