I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dignity is for republicans.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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