She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
