OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
