you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
