Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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