brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
