i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
