I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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