where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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