Im at strip club and am horny
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
