Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
