there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
