I hate your face
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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