And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
