I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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