I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
