We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
