You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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