i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
