i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
