Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
