I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
