I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
