woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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