Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
