Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
