I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Randomize