my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
