I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
