And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize